Guardrails for Marraige
Suggested Guardrails for MARRIED People:
1. Don't travel alone with members of the opposite sex.
Just decide not to get into a car with, fly with, travel with anyone that is the opposite sex. If you are married and it doesn't make you uncomfortable being alone with someone of the opposite sex, you are playing with fire. This marraige guardrail should be a standard operating procedure if you are really serious about maintaining and protecting moral boundaries with your spouse.
2.Don’t eat alone with members of the opposite sex.
Decide to not eat alone with, meet up with, don't stay late at work with anyone other than my spouse. Will there be times where you can't avoid it? Maybe, but so few that you can't even remember the last time it happened. If it does happen accidentally you call your spouse immediately to let them know it is happening. Let your spouse decide how to continue with that situation. Bottom line is that meeting alone with the opposite sex should never be planned.
3. Don’t confide in or counsel members of the opposite sex.
Don't fall for the trick of the enemy thinking that they NEED you. They need MY help. -that is a lie. It might not sound compassionate towards them, however it shows alot of compassion for your marriage and their future. It is dangerous when your emotional world gets tangled in their emotional world. All we ever want is intimacy. That is why our enemy loves to leverage it for our destruction and demise. If you are married, get them help, but refuse to be the shoulder they lean on.
4. When you feel your heart or desire drifting towards a specific person, TELL SOMEONE.
Maybe you don't have anyone safe enough to tell... that is why you have to work on developing Godly friends that are a safe place for you to share your struggles with.
The rest of you need to be the kind of friend who will keep their struggle confidential. Not keeping their sin a secret... but help you establish some guardrails for that specific person that you are feeling drawn to.
One of the biggest traps in any marriage that leads to inappropriate relationships that lead to either an emotional affair or sexual infidelity is this: Independent friendships with the opposite sex.
5. No independent friendships with the opposite sex.
Decide that all interactions with someone of the opposite sex will only be work-related. All other independent friendships with the opposite sex will directly involve my spouse. Work-related still doesn't mean that you meet with them at work alone... you have to apply the other 4 guardrails to this one. This guardrail especially includes online independent friends of the opposite sex. Social media. Online chats. gaming.
The #1 sign that a relationship is getting inappropriate is when your spouse get's defensive when asked about a relationship with the opposite sex. if they say, 'it's none of your business they're MY friends.' You have a problem in your marraige. The bible says you USED to be independent. Now, you are no longer two, but ONE FLESH. One of the most unhealthy signs that someone is really not committed to the relationship or marraige is that they have 2 seperate groups of friends, 2 seperate sets of bank accounts in case things don't work out. That philosophy will definitely lead you right into a divorce. It screams division. It is not a sin to have friends of the opposite sex... but we place this guardrail in place so that your spouse feels safe and has trust in you. Your spouse needs to know where your guardrails are so that they can call you on it. Your spouse needs to be comfortable with your guardrails to ensure a healthy marraige.
1. Don't travel alone with members of the opposite sex.
Just decide not to get into a car with, fly with, travel with anyone that is the opposite sex. If you are married and it doesn't make you uncomfortable being alone with someone of the opposite sex, you are playing with fire. This marraige guardrail should be a standard operating procedure if you are really serious about maintaining and protecting moral boundaries with your spouse.
2.Don’t eat alone with members of the opposite sex.
Decide to not eat alone with, meet up with, don't stay late at work with anyone other than my spouse. Will there be times where you can't avoid it? Maybe, but so few that you can't even remember the last time it happened. If it does happen accidentally you call your spouse immediately to let them know it is happening. Let your spouse decide how to continue with that situation. Bottom line is that meeting alone with the opposite sex should never be planned.
3. Don’t confide in or counsel members of the opposite sex.
Don't fall for the trick of the enemy thinking that they NEED you. They need MY help. -that is a lie. It might not sound compassionate towards them, however it shows alot of compassion for your marriage and their future. It is dangerous when your emotional world gets tangled in their emotional world. All we ever want is intimacy. That is why our enemy loves to leverage it for our destruction and demise. If you are married, get them help, but refuse to be the shoulder they lean on.
4. When you feel your heart or desire drifting towards a specific person, TELL SOMEONE.
Maybe you don't have anyone safe enough to tell... that is why you have to work on developing Godly friends that are a safe place for you to share your struggles with.
The rest of you need to be the kind of friend who will keep their struggle confidential. Not keeping their sin a secret... but help you establish some guardrails for that specific person that you are feeling drawn to.
One of the biggest traps in any marriage that leads to inappropriate relationships that lead to either an emotional affair or sexual infidelity is this: Independent friendships with the opposite sex.
5. No independent friendships with the opposite sex.
Decide that all interactions with someone of the opposite sex will only be work-related. All other independent friendships with the opposite sex will directly involve my spouse. Work-related still doesn't mean that you meet with them at work alone... you have to apply the other 4 guardrails to this one. This guardrail especially includes online independent friends of the opposite sex. Social media. Online chats. gaming.
The #1 sign that a relationship is getting inappropriate is when your spouse get's defensive when asked about a relationship with the opposite sex. if they say, 'it's none of your business they're MY friends.' You have a problem in your marraige. The bible says you USED to be independent. Now, you are no longer two, but ONE FLESH. One of the most unhealthy signs that someone is really not committed to the relationship or marraige is that they have 2 seperate groups of friends, 2 seperate sets of bank accounts in case things don't work out. That philosophy will definitely lead you right into a divorce. It screams division. It is not a sin to have friends of the opposite sex... but we place this guardrail in place so that your spouse feels safe and has trust in you. Your spouse needs to know where your guardrails are so that they can call you on it. Your spouse needs to be comfortable with your guardrails to ensure a healthy marraige.
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